The Constipated Client
One of the things that I often hear clients say is, “I am hard to work with!” (clients often confuse themselves with their issues).
A client said that to me this morning, and my mind conjured up the metaphor of ‘The Constipated Client’, which goes like this:
“You (the client) are not hard to deal with, it’s the shit you are having to deal with that is hard."
I’m not going to claim that this is profound or even useful for most therapists, but you may find it helpful (for a client who has an intact sense of humour!)
“Have compassion for everyone you meet, even if they don’t want it. What seems conceit, bad manners, or cynicism is always a sign of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen.
You do not know what wars are going on down there where the spirit meets the bone.” – Miller Williams
As a therapist (and a human) I love this quote for two reasons:
- everyone is busy judging others without knowing why the ‘other’ is doing what they are doing.
- I love a ‘well turned’ phrase, and You do not know what wars are going on down there where the spirit meets the bone. is a very well turned phrase.
I am a heuristic kind of guy
It is both strange and comforting to read a one word definition of so much of my life.
A heuristic (from Ancient Greek εὑρίσκω (heurískō) ‘to find, discover’), or heuristic technique, is any approach to problem solving or self-discovery that employs a practical method that is not guaranteed to be optimal, perfect, or rational, but is nevertheless sufficient for reaching an immediate, short-term goal or approximation. Where finding an optimal solution is impossible or impractical, heuristic methods can be used to speed up the process of finding a satisfactory solution.
This seems to be a reasonable definition of therapy and life (at least my life)
The security of misery
Back in the 80’s, when I was on a Person Centred counselling course, one of our tutors, Professor Charles (Chuck) M. Devonshire, said this:
“For most people, the security of misery is better than the misery of insecurity.”
I think he was right and I think this observation explains a lot of otherwise mysterious human behaviour.
James Hollis, a Jungian therapist, has a great question to ask yourself when you need to make a choice: “Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?”
This is such a great question, much more useful than “Will this make me happy | rich | successful? etc”
Wish I’d known it when I was younger! #til
Spent the morning running an enjoyable Identity Healing training. A nice bunch and I think will do well.
This afternoon I went for a walk with my best-beloved and talked about how to develop a community for trainees and practitioners (and what that would mean).
So far a very enjoyable day :)
Why changing our minds can be so difficult
This is a great explanation of something that bedevils the world.
Who doesn't want to feel safe?
Quite a few people don’t want to feel safe, because they have learned that feeling safe is not safe at all.
For them it’s much better to feel unsafe and be vigilant, looking out for signs of danger. The thinking goes something like this: “Don’t let your guard down, because ‘they’ will take advantage of it and hurt you”.
As a therapist I work hard to help people feel safe (a prerequisite of change), but if making people feel safe makes them feel less safe that’s tricky.
That’s a bind and a half!
I’d like to say that I’ve figured out a speedy and foolproof way of dealing with this, but so far I’ve only managed be painstaking and careful about it.
The funny thing about starting something new is knowing where to start.
I anticipate doing a lot of half-baked and exploratory thinking here, but about what?
In the shower or on a a walk my mind seems full of ideas and possibilities, but right now now I’m struggling to find one.
Please Ignore
This is just a test to see if I can cross post from my https://practicalwellbeing.micro.blog site to Mastodon.
